(I doubt I will ever write a poem for someone again. It's a sad attempt.)
our heartstrings may be as
lithe as the branches
crowning dew-drenched trees -
but where is the difference of that
opposed to steel?
who would the pigeon rather
perch upon?
let them stay a while
and croon our weary souls to sleep.
we have loved for many seasons,
and a well deserved stillness can fall
between us,
for lover's breaths make
a bird's song.
let us be lullabied into dreaming,
for when spring comes we may
scrape the sky or twine
'round the lonesome, pallid face of moon.
i am sure the stars will keep watch
over the preciousness we've guarded:
beloved beauty -
and the chance it can bloom
from inbetween us and up
for lovebirds to
perch in,
come what heartstrings may.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I thought that this was really great. It flowed very well, and you exercise mastery over language.I love how you express yourself.
I'd change "the preciousness we've guarded" to "the preciousness we guard", as I think that it sounds a bit better. I'd say "chance that", instead of just "chance".
I was disappointed by the last line. I think it sounded a little odd, and could be more powerful.
Other than that I really loved this. A pleasure to read. Hope this helps!
Jas